Monday, February 28, 2011
Vanity Fair Oscar Party - Part 2
A veritable PARADE of D-Listers, darlings!
Abbie Cornish in Elie SaabWe like the dress, which is appropriately dramatic, but the Ruth Buzzi hair has got to go.
Anderson CooperHe looks adorable but his pants are too long.
Anika Noni RoseRuPaul would say she's bringing realness. We think she looks like a gay pride parade float short of a few rainbow colors.
Bryce Dallas Howard Ew, no. We don't mind a retro silhouette, but this is too ridiculously literal. The good news is, she can hide a couple extra dresses in her skirt, should this on prove to be unworkable.
Chace Crawford in Dolce & Gabbana Cute, but wrinkled. We like the hair.
Claire Danes in Calvin Klein Spring 2011 We don't know about this one. It's got that breezy CK chicness and minimalism, but it's so boxy and long that it looks like a low-cut coat. And the shoes are pure Boca Raton.
Colin Hanks Good lord, someone needs to teach this over-earnest dork how to pose. He looks like he's asking for donations. The suit looks a little cheap to us.
David Spade He looks like a puffy douche and the lifts in his cheap shoes complete the picture.
L'Wren Scott and Mick Jagger If you think we're going to criticize Mick Jagger, you've got another thing coming, missy. The man is a LEGEND and we will hear not one word about how he looks like a giant shriveled satin penis.
Ellen Barkin in L'Wren Scott Spring 2011
Emma Roberts in Jenny Packham Spring 2011 Beautiful. Hate the hair.
Eva Mendes in Donna Karan We don't get it. This doesn't look anything like a Donna Karan dress, but apparently it was custom designed for her. No wonder she looks pissed off. This may be the least flattering thing she's ever worn.
Ginnifer Goodwin in Erdem Fall 2009 Jesus, this girl needs an intervention. Let's all take up a collection for her. She looks like a lampshade in an Italian brothel.
Gwyneth Paltrow in Michael Kors Fall 2011 Granted, she's one color from tip to toe (not counting the roots), but we still like the look on her. It's a fabulous dress.
Jena Malone JESUS. These stylists can run any trend straight into the ground. LACE! One simply MUST wear lace this season, darling! Even if one comes out looking like a total whore, one will be totally on trend! And ENOUGH with the peep toes, stylists! Have a freaking original thought every now and then!
Jessica Biel in Versace It's a little too neutral, but there are a lot of really lovely details on this dress when you look closely at it. Beautiful lines. Love the multiple straps.
Joan Collins She's fucking Alexis, people. Bow the hell down. Yes, she looks like the basket on the front of an 8-year-old girl's bicycle, but she's like Mick Jagger; she's beyond critique. And thankfully, she doesn't look like a satin penis.
Kelly Lynch in Lanvin Spring 2011 Well, it's certainly better than that truly frightening getup she wore the other day, but it's still a bit too hard and Amazonian a look, we're thinking. Honey, zhuzh out your hair and pick something less armored-looking for your feet and then we'll talk.
Lily Collins in ADAM Fall 2010 We don't get this dress at all. Whatever waist she has is completely gone. How can you not see that in the mirror?
PEEPTOES. NUDE PEEPTOES. TAKE US NOW, LORD.
Matthew Morrison in Dolce & Gabbana Looks cute.
Megan Mullally Oh honey, no. You are the very woman who inspired the use of "kittens" and "poodles" as a form of address on this blog, so it pains us to say this: you look matronly, dear. Love the earrings, though.
Melissa Leo It's neither better nor worse than her show getup. It simply is. Besides, we're terrified of her.
Mia Wasikowska in Stella McCartney Pre-Fall 2011 It's too twee and PEEP TOES, but of all the black lace dresses, this is the least slutty, so points for that. Also, makeup would have been nice.
Selita Ebanks in Valentino Enh. Looks a little dated, to be honest. If it had a ruffle running down only one side of the dress instead of both sides, it might work.
Sofia Vergara in Zuhair Murad Spring 2011
We hate to sound like prudes, but this is vulgar. We know you love your va-va-voom body, honey (and rightly so), but this actually takes away from your natural curves. We're so tired of dresses that look like underwear. You really want to do something shocking, fashion industry? Make underwear that looks like Oscar gowns.
Tom Ford We used to think he was so hot, but as he gets older, he gets more and more plastic and less and less human. Everything has to be so perfect and just-so that we can't even imagine a friendly pat on the back with him, let alone sex. Having said that, we're going to be incredibly nit-picky: we adore the velvet jacket, but the pants needed to be a darker shade of black to go with it.
[Photo Credit: getty, wireimage, elle.com, style.com]
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Labels: Calvin Klein, Donna karan, Fashion, Michael Kors, Oscars, Red Carpet, Versace
Vanity Fair Oscar Party - Part 1
YES, darlings! HERE is where the bitchery begins.If the Oscars are Hollywood's prom, then the parties afterward are Hollywood's Sophomore Dance, when every celeb with a publicist comes crawling out of their holes, straps on some shit-ugly clothes, and parties their ass off for the night, having no idea how ridiculous they look. The possibilities of cracktastic clothing just increased exponentially.
Let's do this.
Amanda Seyfried in Valentino Pre-Fall 2011 [Modified Version] There's too much going on up top for such a short skirt. And we don't like the way the skirt balloons out a bit.
We are very close to declaring a moratorium (if not an outright fatwa) on peep-toes on the RC.
Anna Paquin (in Monique Lhuillier) and Stephen MoyerAnna just got here from her square-dancing class. Stephen's Lady Clairol hair continues to wound us.
Anne Hathaway in Atelier Versace Spring 2011 It's not our favorite dress she wore, but it's apparently hers. Love the color.
You think she spent all night at the party answering the question "So... what the hell happened to Franco?"
Cameron Diaz in Carolina Herrera Resort 2011We don't mind a short skirt at an event like this, but this is a bit too much. Also, by taking so much off the hem, the proportions are thrown way off.
Carolina Herrera We are shocked by how sloppy this looks on her. Besides, it doesn't really seem like her style. And the color doesn't really suit her. She looks better in warmer tones.
Catherine O'Hara and Bo Welch The dress is fine, but the matchy bag and the Serial Mom hair are killing the look.
Charlize Theron in Atelier Versace Spring 2011 Flawless.
Chris Colfer in Giorgio Armani Perfect, but he looks too thin to us. Chris, eat something. Don't listen to these Hollywood bitches.
Chris Hemsworth It is a universal truism that body building and looking good in clothes simply don't go together. He looks like a blond gorilla. The shiny blackness of it all didn't help.
Danny and Anjelica Huston Anjelica Huston, we have a problem. It's your shitty dress, which makes your boobs look like they're melting and your bottom half look like a curvaceous tree trunk.
Donna Karan Wow. She has NEVER looked this good. What a great, and flattering, dress.
Elizabeth Banks in Vintage Versace It's really cute, if a little precious. We would have told her to go for a colorful shoe to break up all that shimmery neutrality.
Emma Stone in Chanel Fall 2009 Couture Yow. She looks like a drunken '80s secretary (who only had two mismatched pieces clean enough to wear that day) coming out of the ladies room during happy hour with half her skirt hanging out of her panties.
Jane Lynch We love it. If you're a stylish Hollywood lesbian of a certain age (and height), then a glittery gold tuxedo jacket (which fits her very well) is the way to go.
Joe Jonas That's a flawless suit. Look at the beautiful break in those pants.
Jude Law, Susan Downey, and Robert Downey Jr. Now look at the laughable breaks on display here. There's no excuse for this at the Oscars.
Juliette Lewis in Georges Hobeika How cute does she look? We admit, she's more fun when she brings the crazy to the RC, but we love that she knows how to bring the graceful as well. Love the color.
Lea Michele in Roberto Cavalli We...kinda like it? Even though she looks like Slim Goodbody in drag a little bit? Or like she's wearing a sequined Shroud of Turin?
We'd like it more without that really high neckline, which we suspect was a response to the criticism that she's been wearing too many mega-low-cut dresses this past year. But the color's nice and there's a great sense of drama to it.
Liv Tyler in Givenchy CoutureThe dress is beautiful, but Liv can't talk right now as she just came our of the Vanity Fair Blood Drive tent and is hankering for a donut and cup of orange juice.
Lourdes Leon in AllSaints She looks really cute and put together. Perfect look for a teenager.
Madonna in Francesco Scognamiglio Pre-Fall 2011 HORRIBLE look for a teenager's mother attending the same event. Could you imagine being 15 and going to a party with your mother, who's dressed like a superhero hooker?
Michael C. Hall Looks good.
Paz de la Huerta We love you, Paz de la Huerta. We love your lipstick, which makes you look like you've been eating cake frosting out of the can with your hands tied behind your back. We love your boobs, which are sliding slowly down your front because you are allergic to bras. We love your panties. We love your trailer park hair. We love the perpetually confused, pouty look on your face, like you don't know where you are and you're not sure if you like anyone in the room. And most of all, we love your dress, which looks like it was made from an army parachute and was designed to flatter absolutely nothing on your body.
Serena Williams That flatters the hell out of her. It's not always easy dressing athletic bodies, but this looks great on her.
Taylor Swift in Zuhair Murad Spring 2011 Never before have we wanted so much for Kanye to make an appearance and tell everyone this white girl is boring.
Vera Farmiga Love the top, but we don't like where the hem hits on her. A half inch to an inch off would be perfect.
Zoe Saldana in Prabal Gurung Fall 2011 Love the dress on her and love the shoes, which go with, but do not match exactly, the dress. Whoever styles her is very good at accessorizing.
50 Cent The pants are too long, but the rest of the fit is very good. Whoever styled him or tailored his tux needs to give his card to Chris Hemsworth. This is how a big, muscled guy is supposed to look. Hot.
[Photo Credit: getty, wireimage, elle.com, style.com]
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Labels: Fashion, Vanity Fair
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