Monday, February 28, 2011
2011 Oscars Red Carpet - The Men
Fresh-scrubbed.Look, kittens. It's like this. The Oscars red carpet was unusually tasteful and/or stylish this year, which means the real bitchery flowed when we got to the after-parties. Since it's kind of boring to talk about a succession of male celebrities in tuxedos in any case ("Nice, fit. Hem's too long. Fit's not bad. Hem's too long. We hate black shirts."), it's even more boring when so many stars are on their best behavior. Suffice it to say, we hate black shirts, the hems are too long on almost every pair of pants, Colin Firth gets it right, we love Javier Bardem's vest, Josh Hutcherson is adorable, Justin Timberlake looks more and more like a serial killer the older he gets, Keith Urban's hair frightens us and Christian Bale has been sleeping in that thing for six weeks.
Feel free to opinionate on the rest of them. And play FMK. Here, we'll start:
Fuck: Hugh Jackman.
Marry: Javier Bardem
Kill: Justin Timberlake, of course. It's only a matter of time before he goes after someone. Just look at him.
Andrew Garfield 
Armie Hammer 
Bill Pullman 
Christian Bale 
Colin Firth 
Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross 
Geoffrey Rush 
Hugh Jackman 
Javier Bardem 
Jeremy Renner 
Jesse Eisenberg 
John Hawkes 
Josh Brolin 
Josh Hutcherson 
Justin Timberlake in Tom Ford 
Keith Urban 
Kevin Spacey 
Mark Ruffalo 
Mark Wahlberg 
Robert Downey Jr. 
Russell Brand 
Sean Parker 
Steven Spielberg 
Tim Burton 
Warren Beatty 
Zachary Levy[Photo Credit: wireimage]
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Labels: Fashion, Oscars, Red Carpet
Vanity Fair Oscar Party - Part 3
Keep it moving, people!Okay, our dinner has arrived and we are currently scarfing down takeout while throwing up posts (and that was an unintentional pun which we will not edit because the imagery is inadvertently colorful) because we are COMMITTED FASHION BLOGGERS and last night was like the Superbowl of fashion. We will not rest until we have exhausted the possibilities. Or at least get this and one more post about the boys up. Then we sleep the sleep of bloggers and get to the Elton John party tomorrow. Sound like a plan? Alrighty then! Let's rip these clothes!
Adrianna Costa Enh. Pretty. Standard. On any other occasion it could even be called "spectacular," but on Oscar night, such a dress fades into the background. It's Big Girl time on the red carpet and Oscar don't have no room for amateurs, girl.
Anna Kendrick in Notte by MarchesaShe looks like a box of assorted chocolates.
Barry Diller and Diane von FurstenbergOh, come ON, Diane. We don't like to sling the "You're getting a little old for..." but HONEY, you're getting a little old for the inadvertent strap slip. Sure, it might be unintentional, but this is not a woman who doesn't pay attention to the clothes on her back, especially when she's getting her picture taken. Besides, we also hate the marmosets clinging to her upper arms, the jewelry, and the dress itself. So basically, DVF gets an F. Shocking.
Brooklyn Decker in Joi Cioci Boobslyn Racker is more like it.
Camila Alves (in Zuhair Murad Spring 2011 Couture) and Matthew McConaughey
Dianna Agron in Salvatore FerragamoYikes. Honey, we don't want to alarm you but, whoever dressed you? Hates you. The length doesn't flatter her and her waist disappeared. Hair's kind of cute but the makeup looks heavy. So apparently, you can still trust your hair gay and fire your makeup and stylist gays for being bitches.
Donald Trump and Melania TrumpStandard trophy wife attire.
Eli Roth He's fine.
Gabrielle UnionWe love it. Sure, it's in many respects a typical Hollywood goddess gown, but we have a three-pronged rebuttal:
1) The color, which is lovely and exciting.
2) The asymetrical shoulders, which give it a lot of interest.
3) She's a stone cold fox, so shut up.
Georgina Chapman What a ridiculous dress. At least she puts her money where her mouth is and wears the same silly folded napkins she designs for Marchesa.
Jamie Foxx Well, the scarf looks stupid. We know it was chilly in LA last night, but he could have whipped it off for the photographers. The suit's fine; the hem not so much.
Jason Statham and Rosie Huntington (in Valentino Fall 2009 Couture) His jacket is too tight (as always) and her dress is lovely but my GOD are we tired of looking at variations of it.
Jessica Szohr Jessica Szohr's vagina is trapped in a cage, you guys.
Kate Beckinsale in Julien MacDonald Even if you hate the gown or hate the actress, you have to admit that girl is WORKING that shit, old Hollywood-style. A couple more seconds and she's going to start voguing. As it so happens, we like the dress too.
Kerry Washington in Escada She looks good. It's standard in a lot of ways and we don't love her hair like that, but we can't really criticize it.
Leslie MannPoor thing had her dress compared to Anne Hathaway's all night, we'd bet.
Lynn Collins We like a print, but that's like a pinata at a baby shower print. We can't.
Marisa Tomei We're not sure if we love it but it's a hell of a sight better than the Charles James gown she wore to the show.
Naomi Watts in Zac Posen Spring 2011This dress is vaguely unsettling.
And unflattering.
Richard Perry and Jane Fonda Man, you've really got to give it to the old gal. She looks great.
Rashida Jones in Valentino Pre-Fall 2011 Nightgown.
Rita Wilson This woman is a danger to herself and others.
Selena Gomez (in Dolce & Gabbana) and Justin BieberShe looks good, but her lipstick matches her dress exactly and we don't love that. We've given him a lot of leeway as a teen idol, but we can't sign off on this one. He looks a little ridiculous.
Tory BurchThat jewelry is a CRIME paired with that dress. We love neither the dress nor the jewelry, but putting them together takes two inoffensive items and makes one VERY OFFENSIVE look. We're so mad at you right now, Tory Burch.
Zooey Deschanel in Valentino Spring 2011 Batshit insane.
[Photo CRedit: getty, wireimage, style.com, elle.com]
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Labels: Fashion, Marchesa, Oscars, Red Carpet, Salvatore Ferragamo, Valentino, Zac Posen
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